writer that is trying to resonate well and punch ppl at bar shows -- i use smiley faces with reckless abandon / on a quest 4 life
Age 24, enby; they/them
poet
self-studier
nfkva
Joined on 8/12/11
Posted by JimmyTheCaterpillar - December 24th, 2023
I originally would have pasted the whole story into the blog post, but Newgrounds doesn't like to preserve paragraph indentations and formatting very well sooooo Google docs it is lol!! I hope you enjoy my story.
click here to read "Lemniscate", JimmyTheCaterpillar's entry for NG's Writer's Jam 2!!
Thank you so much for reading <3!!! Let me know what you think.
Excellent work! Thanks for participating!
You have a gift for writing relationships, romantic or not, between characters. You were able to make this piece feel so human by adding many layers, some obvious, and some subtle, to the character's actions and thoughts. The Staples "Easy" button is such a great example of how you can have something quirky and unique in a story without it coming off as tryhard, so I appreciate it a lot for that as well as what it comes to symbolize throughout the story. Speaking of, great job creating throughlines that have significance in the story! It was a great time reading this piece for these reasons.
If there's one thing I want to see more of in this piece, it would be expanding Sam's thoughts on their other friends, and learning more about them outside of their current relationship, and what's happened in that. We learn a lot about them through their current predicament, but you could definitely have a more impactful story by showing us more of who they are before this (if you would ever choose to come back to this story, of course).
Thanks again for participating, this was a great read! Stay tuned for winner announcements soon!
thank you so much for the feedback, and for organizing the jam! super cool. it was a lot of fun pushing my dumb poetry brain into something long(er)form for once lol! i'm really grateful :)
Sheik13LoZ
Very nice! Brilliant imagery and character voice! Enjoyed seeing the character development.
JimmyTheCaterpillar
i really appreciate you reading! it means a lot :>